Growing through Conflict #4: Identify the “kind” of Conflict

Click here for the rest of the Growing through Conflict series. As I see it, there are essentially three types of conflict: (a) personal offense, (b) disagreement, or (c) miscommunication. Personal Offense All conflicts carry a degree of emotion—this is what makes them so painful—however conflicts are especially charged emotionally when someone has been personally wounded. When a person feels attacked …

Growing through Conflict #3: Evaluate your “Right” to be offended or hurt.

Click here for the rest of the Growing through Conflict series. This step is tough! Now is the time to do some emotional “heart surgery”. It calls for prayer, reflection, and time in God’s Word. Oh, and honesty. The really hard part is being honest with yourself because our self-deceptions are so comforting. This is the step where you take …

Growing through conflict: #2 Discern your internal triggers

Every conflict reveals something about your identity. A conflict can be like a mirror for your soul–if you take the time to look. What was it about this conflict that made you angry (or hurt, etc.)? The typical response isn’t good enough: “Anyone would get angry at this!” And here’s why: when we rush past examination to arrive at justification, …

Growing through conflict: #1 Identify the basic facts

Conflicts come in all shapes and sizes. They are rational and emotional and the most difficult ones are personal. It’s tough to think clearly when we’ve been hurt, offended, angered, etc. (chose your own description, I don’t want to put you in a box!). Everyone has blindspots, and these seem to grow when we feel attacked. To grow through conflict, …

You should tell more lies

… there is nothing false about [Jesus]. (John 7:18) I’ve seen people tell lies–“white” ones too–for the following reasons: To ACCOMPLISH their agendas. To AVERT undesirable, yet deserved, consequences for their actions To AVOID conflict with others. The first group is far too practical, they will say whatever works in the moment in order to get what they want. Justification is …

another tale of a hurting youth worker

I recently met with a hurting youth worker. While the situation was a little unusual, the result was common: conflict. After reflecting on our conversation, I articulated the following lessons in my journal so I don’t forget them the next I need to restore a relationship.