Growing through conflict: #2 Discern your internal triggers

Every conflict reveals something about your identity.
A conflict can be like a mirror for your soul–if you take the time to look.

What was it about this conflict that made you angry (or hurt, etc.)? The typical response isn’t good enough: “Anyone would get angry at this!” And here’s why: when we rush past examination to arrive at justification, we miss learning critical personal insights.

It’s difficult to go beneath the surface and examine our motives. First, this isn’t something we normally do, it’s much easier to simply respond or react. But we are more than animals, we don’t have to be driven only by instinct! Second, our motives are often mixed and can even contradictory. Sometimes we love a thing, and later we hate it. Sometimes both love and hate the same thing. Other times we love two things that are mutually exclusive. To gain greater insight about your internal triggers, consider the following:


  • Assumptions: What expectations did I bring into this conflict?
  • History: Did I have any grudges or unfinished business from the past?
  • External factors: Did anything from “outside” the conflict make things worse?


Read and reflect on Psalm 19:12.


What do you have to add?