Growing through Conflict #3: Evaluate your “Right” to be offended or hurt.

Click here for the rest of the Growing through Conflict series.

This step is tough! Now is the time to do some emotional “heart surgery”. It calls for prayer, reflection, and time in God’s Word. Oh, and honesty. The really hard part is being honest with yourself because our self-deceptions are so comforting. This is the step where you take your thoughts and feelings and evaluate them against the standard of God’s wisdom.

Here is a reality: Not everyone who is offended has a  “right” to be hurt. Often we are selfish and prideful and many conflicts only exist because of our immaturity. A child can get angry with only one scoop of ice cream, and adults can often act like children.

Some people do the opposite. When they experience a legitimate injustice, they are too quick to minimize their pain.This isn’t healthy. Adopting a victim mentality or martyr complex is actually an expression of a pride that says, “Look at how much I suffer.”

This step isn’t black or white. It’s not like you either have the right to be hurt or you don’t. Instead, this evaluation is about identifying on one hand what you need to “own,” and on the other, what you need to forgive. Here is the golden opportunity in conflict: giving up more selfishness and pride while forgiving others like Jesus.

Read and reflect on Proverbs 13:10, 16:2, 18:2; Luke 23:34

What do you have to add?